legendary_hands | The breaking point... (for winscenario)

The breaking point... (for winscenario)

Eventually the noise and the rush died down. All the people from the crew were out of medical and he didn’t have the nurses following him around insisting to fix his own problems that just weren’t necessary to fix. Others had bigger problems like Spock or Jim and his unquenchable desire to be the galaxy’s damn punching bag. But all that had to end sometime and the adrenaline crash had to finally take hold.

At least he made it till after the birthday party he managed to somehow get together in between patients and not sleeping.

Sleeping was a luxury he didn’t have. Even with time, sleep just didn’t happen or all he could see when he closed his eyes were the bodies floating in space or the shriveled forms of people he couldn’t save. Or that awful feeling of flying and falling and crashing every time he laid down. It wore him down to the bone and he almost wanted to laugh. Because without that adrenaline to keep him pushing forward, it felt a little like losing everything. The strength in his legs, the ability to stand up straight and just the all-around ability to function. Most importantly, the ability to not think about how goddamn much it hurt like a knife in his gut when stupid shit came back to the forefront of his mind.

The admiral insisted he take leave. The ‘traumatic’ experience – damn right it was traumatic – takes times to get past and ease back into the work. Thing was, without that adrenaline and push forward, all that left him with for company was himself. Himself and his own damn brain to bring up things best left buried. Not even the bottle of whiskey he dug up was doin’ any good makin’ him think less. It just left him in silence in his assigned quarters to mull over what bothered him over and over again.

His fingers ran over the side of the bottle slowly, he honestly didn’t drink more than a third of it yet. He shouldn’t have drank any of it. Leonard promised himself after the divorce and losing JoAnna this wouldn’t happen again. But that was before he had to deal with this… thing. This ridiculous malarkey of emotions all balled up in a fine mess in his chest. His fingers tightened sharply around the neck of the bottle.

It’s not his fault.

Could ya really blame someone for something like this? For not realizing how much it stung like salt in an open wound to always be over looked? To watch Spock get the thanks and he got nothing. Not to say he hated the snark and joking he and Jim had between them. He enjoyed it… but this time? This time it cut deep. The things he had to do, the fears he had to overcome, all on top of his still raw feelings about Jim up and dyin’ on him not that long ago.

For years he told himself it was fine. That’s how Jim was. He didn’t really thank him for things, and quite honestly, at the Academy it didn’t bother him. Then there was Spock. And where the Vulcan was growin’ on him like a fungus, it ate at him little by little each time Jim poured on the gratitude and praise to the guy and never looked twice at him. And maybe it was – no it really was – his own damn fault for being in love with his best friend, but it just cut deeper each time it happened.

The doctor hated flying. Hated it with a passion. But he did it cause Jim asked him to. Sure he yelled and screamed, but he did it. Maybe that was his fault as well. If he didn’t argue, then Jim would get the picture. But he was just lyin’ to himself. Cause he didn’t yell or complain when Jim died. He cried his way through it in the silence and told himself he would break his oath and play god just this time. Just once more. He took life away once, maybe it balanced out his sins if he could get it back just once.

But Spock got the credit there, too. It wasn’t shared credit, it was all the credit.

God help him, but it just wasn’t right. It burned in his throat far harsher than the whiskey and felt like it burned all the way to his chest and head with a sort of anger. Anger built on confusion, frustration, and self-reproach for even feelin’ this way to begin with.

It’s my job to be a doctor. To save lives. I don’t need recognition.

But it wasn’t recognition that he wanted. He could care less about anyone else on the ship realizing just what he did. What things he broke or overcame for one person. One person that seemed oblivious as hell about what he felt. Just one person…

Something just broke. A long thin thread unraveled and finally snapped as his arm flung out over the table top and sent the bottle of amber liquid flying across the small room and slammed with a crash into the metallic wall. The sound was shrill as a wet slosh along with the muffled sound of shards of glass rolled across the floor filled the room. His data PADD – that had laid off to the side – slid off in the motion, hitting against the floor with a clatter of too loud to not have broken something. And in the silence that followed, hazel eyes fixed on the fluid trailing across the floor, curling around the broken glass pieces and off into open space. How damn poetic.

The spark of anger that came with that thought had him picking up the tumbler next in what he damn well knew was a tantrum and threw it at the door this time. Cause tantrum or not, it felt good to just… let it out for once.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Flustered was a good word for it. Bordering on debauched with his skin flushes, hair askew and lips slightly darker than normal. His pupils dilated from that rush of pleasure of just having that ability to kiss Jim and how it made his world tilt on edge and devour him up in the moment. He felt like, even as he asked his question, that he was stuck on one helluva dream.

A dream that definitely felt more real when Jim told him to shut up. That, that was classic Jim Kirk. He might have even scowled at the blonde had he not caught his lips in a kiss once more. This time he gave a soft sound of happiness as Jim managed to steal a few before he finally felt the press of his forehead and the dizzying feeling of just breathing his air and being close. For the love of all that was holy, kissing Jim felt like being unmade and remade all at the same time.

Especially with those words.

Leonard blinked a few times at Jim, before a smile blossomed over his face. A beautiful uninhibited real smile that hardly ever flickered across the doctor's face. "Was feelin' that, too, darlin'. Guess no matter how much I intended to keep it to myself, I just never did stand a chance against you." Given enough pushing, the right look or words, and Leonard was bound to slip up because of Jim and his weakness for the blonde.

Reaching up, he slipped his fingers through Jim's hair and let out a soft sigh. "Kinda glad I did up and break." Kinda didn't begin to explain it. He felt like it was the best slip up of his life and god help him, he felt like his heart was fluttering like a caged bird at the thought of Jim being in love with him. It felt so amazing and unreal and everything he could have ever asked for.

Cupping the back of his head, the doctor leaned in and kissed him again. This time he put his best foot forward, licking at Jim's lips until he could delve into his mouth and take his time to memorize and taste him on his tongue. And needless to say, he was already addicted to kissing him.

Bones was a chronic worrier, so Jim really wasn't all that surprised that that was the first thing he'd think to ask. But no, kissing Bones out of the blue wouldn't have been the first thing to come to mind if he didn't happen to return his feelings, especially considering what he knew was at stake here.

Even if he didn't feel the same... he would never just use Bones only to toss him to the curb the next morning. He'd never turn his back on him either. They'd always be friends, regardless of whatever other feelings there were. Luckily they both felt the same, so there was no need for misery and unrequited pining. At least not anymore.

Jim almost wanted to laugh at how ridiculous this all was. How silly of two grown men to care about each other this much, going around carrying torches and thinking the other didn't have it just as bad.

"Really glad you did, too," he murmured against Bones's lips, his own parting easily when Bones licked at them while kissing him. Mouth parting and head canting just so, he let the contact deepen, his hands sliding up Bones's neck until his fingers were sifting through his hair, sighing happily into the kiss.

It felt a lot like learning how to finally really fly after clinging to the edge of the nest too long. That initial drop hurt. Made him sick and nauseous just thinking about all the ways it would go wrong. And then that sudden rush of finally. Finally he got everything he wanted. Funny how everything to him really narrowed down to this moment. Jim Kirk in his arms and kissing him.

But then, Leonard was always more simple than anything else. Following Jim out into the black had been a hard yet easy decision. He'd not even dwelt on the fear and the queasy feeling he normally got when told he would spend five years in space. He just simply said yes. He accepted his commission and dealt with the after effects later.

Worth it. Every moment had been and always would be worth it. Regardless if Jim loved him back or not. And when he thought about what might have happen if he hadn't accepted the position as CMO...

It sent a chill down his spine that he turned into a more pressing need to kiss Jim harder and deeper as he wrapped his arms about him and pulled him close. When he had to finally come up for air, he found himself just peering into Jim's face with a certain level of awe in his gaze. And more than anything else, he wanted to tell Jim to never go where he couldn't follow him. "So... if I give you a reason to make it back alive, think you'll do a better job to do just that?" He wouldn't stop Jim from being Jim... but at least he hoped he'd try harder. Strive to get back to him and not just give up cause he was a better sacrifice than someone else.

Jim didn't even think about that. Not that he ever had, honestly; ever since the Academy days that he'd made the decision that wherever he ended up, he wanted Bones there with him. Back then this was just a friendship, but it was a pretty important one to him. It was the only important friendship to Jim, actually, and even as he met other people and made friends among those in his crew, none of them meant the same to him as Bones did.

Of course, by then his feelings had morphed into a rapidly growing crush, and from there onwards it had all been sort of... well, downhill. Fair enough, now he was happy beyond belief, but back then it was somewhat mortifying and even a source of guilt to realize that he was developing some pretty strong feelings for his best friend.

That was another thing that changed, too. A sense of relief washed over him, clearing away whatever guilt he felt with regards to his feelings for Bones. It was exhilarating to think that looking at him now wouldn't come with just a jab of ache in his heart, that he could just reach out and touch him, kiss him, think about him in whatever way he wanted and not feel like he just had somehow betrayed their friendship.

He pulled back from the kiss, a bit breathless but still smiling wide, hands moving down to cup Bones's jaw as his thumbs brushed across his cheeks. "Hey, I always do a great job at that," he huffed in feigned offense, smile simmering down as blue eyes searched hazel. He nodded faintly. "I'll always come back to you, Bones. Always."

"You certainly go and pull lots of funny rabbits out of the hat, that's for damn sure." He groused those words in irritation, but he was also so thankful that Jim could do just that. Come out on top regardless of the odds. Until Khan. His eyes closed at that thought, and his chest tied up in knots. When he finally opened his eyes to meet those of blue and their searching gaze, he knew the furrow that marred his brow was more one of desperation than any thing else. The kind that could push him to tears if he didn't rein it in.

Both hands rose to cup Jim's face as he only managed a nod for now. He couldn't make himself do more than that without pushing himself to tears. "Always be waitin' for you." Just as he always had and he always would. And with the way his voice wavered on those words, he had to blink his eyes a few times to push away the burning feeling in them.

"First I'm going to ask him to stay." He said the words quietly, his hands moving to cup around Jim's on his face. Hazel slid back to Jim's when he dared to try again and get a firmer grasp on his emotions. "Then I'm gonna 'pologize cause I know... I know I can't just break myself of makin' sure you're still breathing." So many nights he woke up panicking. Scared to death for no reason. "Do you know why I deflected you that day you woke up?"

He could feel it, that tell tale sheen of tears forming over his vision and causing Jim's face to go out of focus. "Cause I spent so many days cryin' over you and not sleepin' that I knew... I knew if I talked to you too much right then I was gonna fall apart. And that was the last thing you needed. So yeah... I complain that you didn't thank me, but I also brought it on myself."

Jim didn't particularly like that look on Bones's face, or the way his eyes watered in what was almost a warning. His hands cupped Bones's cheeks, thumbs stroking the skin, brushing softly along the lines of his face.

He also knew there was no point trying to stop it. This was... hell, Bones had been dealing with a lot more than Jim was aware of, and maybe this really was the best way for him to work through it. Maybe crying would actually help relieve some of that tension, even if he highly doubted the doctor would ever stop worrying too much about everything.

"All I'm hearing is that you tried too hard to not fall apart in front of me, and look where that could've gotten you." Drunk, alone and completely miserable— frankly Jim didn't even want to think what state Bones would be in if he hadn't come in at that moment today, if he hadn't pushed Bones to talk to him, to tell him what was on his mind. Hopefully they could work on things from here on out.

He leaned in, kissing Bones's cheeks, brushing their noses together before pulling him close and hugging him again. "You can cry all you want. And you can call me in the middle of the night just to make sure I'm still alive. Promise I'll always pick up." A pause, then he added with warm amusement. "Or you can check for yourself, if we happen to be on the same bed."

Where would he be, indeed. Leonard had spent a few nights - no, more than a few - just sitting there staring into a glass of alcohol he drank at so slowly something he didn't finish it. But the temptation was always there. Always lingering in a desk drawer or in a cabinet waiting for him to cave in on himself when he couldn't take it anymore. Truth be told, he made a damn good point each time that Jim didn't need a drunk depressed CMO and best friend. It helped enough in the past.

Tonight... Tonight was the closest he'd ever been to giving up that struggle. Leonard knew the ache was too much and maybe that's why he let the anger get to him. Can't drink liquor that is pooling all over the floor now can ya? But that didn't mean he'd get through any of this unscathed if Jim hadn't stopped in.

He 'stared into the abyss' so to speak. And came damn close to falling in.

The idea felt cold, alarming and down right probable. Until those warm touches and kisses started to seep into his skin. Breathing in sharply, he let his eyes flutter closed as Jim pulled him closer. His head moved instantly to press his face into his neck and nearly held his breath. The moisture dampened his lashes, but he tried to hold back anyway. Don't do it. Don't do this to Jim.

Jim had too much to deal with as it was. He didn't need Leonard falling apart on him. And yet he was so damn close. Only, that crack about staying in the same bed caused him to exhale a surprised laugh. An unwinding of tension that hurt as much as it felt amazing. A feeling that crumbled down walls he'd built up strong and tall and a few tears found their way from his eyes to end up following the line of Jim's neck. "Truth be told... you can stay in my bed every night if you wanted." It wasn't like they weren't already living in each other's pockets up to this point. They just rarely shared a bed since the academy.

Jim didn't care. He didn't care if Bones cried right now, he didn't care if Bones fell apart, so long as he was there to catch him and keep him together. It was the thought of Bones going through all that completely alone that really terrified him.

Never mind what he had to deal with or not. Bones always had his own plate full more often than not but he was still always there for Jim when he needed it. He didn't want the doctor to keep anything from him, not even once, just because he thought Jim already had more than enough to handle. Nothing was nearly as important as Bones to him.

"I'll take that as permission, then. No take backs," Jim warned playfully, his hands smoothing down Bones's back. He could feel some moisture on his neck but he said nothing to it, letting Bones cry as much as he wanted to, holding him close and keeping him from pulling away for now.

He laughed breathlessly at that. Soon he wrapped his arms about Jim tightly and nuzzled closer into his neck like he might just be able to disappear into the warmth of Jim's body if he pressed close enough. "Wouldn't take it back for the world, hell, the galaxy. So yeah, darlin'... that's an open invitation." One he still felt oddly nervous giving.

Taking a shivering breath, he let it out with a labored sound as some of the knots in his chest just wouldn't let go. He wanted to just wrap Jim up in his arms and not let go for as long as possible. Keep him safe and just maybe... maybe he wouldn't have to sit back and let him die like last time and not even be there to say goodbye. And god if that didn't get him the most.

Then he landed on a damn planet too far away with a wounded vulcan and no contact with Jim. His arms tightened around him as he squeezed his eyes shut. He would rather pull his own teeth out than admit that he was crying now. "Hate flyin'. No good at it... And then I had to do or die... had to be in the right place and catch you. I can be a doctor, Jim... but then you had to go and rely on me to be a pilot of all the damn things. Seems fittin'... only took those piloting courses cause of you."

"Don't forget you said that, then." Because now Jim was definitely going to make himself at home in Bones's quarters. Not that he'd ever had that many qualms before, but he sure had never slept in his bed, especially not in the context they were implying here. Jim felt more excited about the prospect than he did nervous, but there was definitely a tingling sensation at the pit of his stomach that made his insides flutter a little.

Sliding his hands back up to Bones's shoulders, Jim tried to lean back a little, hands moving down Bones's arms instead. Of course he was crying, that wasn't even remotely a secret right now, but Jim still didn't point it out. Even if in the dark of the room he could still see the way his cheeks glistened faintly in the dim light.

"Then I guess it's a really good thing you took those courses because of me, or else I'd have been screwed," Jim said lightly, even if at the time it had been no laughing matter. He'd have gladly given his life to keep everyone else safe, but that didn't mean he'd been especially eager to die.

Tugging gently at Bones's arms, Jim tipped his head a little so he could try and look into his eyes. "How about we go elsewhere? You look like you need some rest, anyway."

"Like I ever would." He huffed at that, knowing full well he'd never regret giving Jim more reason to be in his personal space. Especially now that he knew this was all requited. It felt like he needed to keep reminding himself that, yes... Jim felt the same. He didn't need to be afraid about the other man not wanting the same thing he did. And Jim knew. He knew that if Leonard wanted to dive into a relationship, it was all or nothing.

Then Jim started to pull away. His brow furrowed at the loss of warmth and his head lowered to look at the space between them but not look up at Jim. He didn't want Jim to give too much mention to the tracks of tears over his cheeks. So he just didn't look. He shivered a little from the loss of Jim being close and closed his eyes. Sniffing once, he reached up with one hand to rub at his face while the other fell down to his thigh, useless between them. Trying to stomp down the insecure voice in his head,

Of course, Jim had to go and ruin it with that idiotic remark. Snorting soft and long, it burned in his eyes and built up more tears. Leonard knew he as good at deflecting with humor, but this time it really hurt and twisted up in knots in his chest. Part of him wondered if Jim would even joke like that if their roles were reversed. Or would it hurt like this?

Using the back of his hand and the sleeve of his shirt, he decided to wipe off his cheeks and swallow the tears back down. He highly doubted it was attractive at all. He was about to rub at them again when Jim tugged at him. Leonard started down between them a little longer before taking a breath and daring to look up at Jim with a wavering gaze. "Sure... yeah..." He rubbed more at his face a bit more adamant as he looked away. "Yeah, we can do that. Sorry. Should clean up first..."

It really was a wonderful thought, to be able to go to sleep next to Bones whenever he liked, to wake up next to him the following morning. And it wasn't even about sex— well, not entirely. Jim would be lying if he said he wasn't interested in that too, but it was the thought of simply being close to Bones that he cherished the most.

As for the careless and nonchalant humor, well... that was Jim's own special way of dealing with some things. He never really minded making jokes at his own expense anyway, even if he had a feeling it bothered Bones sometimes. There just was no reason for it to.

"Alright. Come on." Smiling, he crawled backwards, standing up and taking hold of Bones's hands so he could help him onto his feet too. Once they were both standing, he made his way to the replicator, getting a damp cloth so Bones could wash his face a little better. More than that would have to wait until they were in either of their rooms and Bones could make use of the bathroom, but at least this should be enough for him not to draw too much attention to himself on the way there.

Slipping his hands into Jim's was always an easy task. He trusted the man with anything and everything in his life. And letting him pull him to his feet was as easy as breathing. But then he got to see the room again and the mess he made and he had to reach up and pinch the bridge of his nose as he fought back that feeling of self-reproach. The room smelled like whiskey and that could only be blamed on him.

A look of surprise flickered in his gaze as Jim offered him a cloth like that. He took it. Silently wiped his face off then tossed it on his desk. Bending down he picked up the fractured PADD and set it on the surface flicking it off. Without a word he moved to find items to clean up the mess. Get the glass up. Get the alcohol smell mostly to go away. He refused to leave the room with it like this. One of the staff might walk in on it. And what would he tell his remaining staff still alive? That he'd finally lost it and made a mess?

Shaking his head at himself, he didn't ask Jim to help or wait. Just went about pushing the glass into one spot carefully full aware that liquor was seeping into his sleeves at times as he got it up and through it away. Only when the glass was completely removed did he try to get the alcohol up. Lines marred the smooth skin of his brow and formed more lines at the corners of his eyes while he tried to get everything up and away. The mindless task at the very least, distracted him from his thoughts with something menial and task oriented. It would be easier to go outside of the room when it was done.

Jim certainly did not plan on letting Bones clean up on his own. Frankly his whole plan was to get someone else to come clean up the room, but he also could understand why Bones wouldn't want anyone else to see the state he'd left it in. So instead he rolled up his sleeves and got to work, helping pick up broken pieces of glass before he used the replicator again for cloths and mops, along with whatever products they could use to wipe up the whiskey stains.

He did it all in complete silence, not asking if Bones was alright, not asking if he needed help but simply offering it. By the time they were done, the only proof of what had happened was the fractured PADD resting on the desk, and that definitely wouldn't raise as many eyebrows as the whiskey and the broken glass would have.

They were going to need to change out of their clothes, but that could wait. Right now Jim really wanted to get Bones out of here, so he reached a hand out for him to take. "Ready to go now?"

He felt a deep seated sense of gratefulness that Jim didn't say anything. Leonard kept his mind on solid ground by not thinking too deeply on anything. He didn't want to feel or think about anything but getting the task done. So when they finally finished up, he felt a little dizzy when he turned to find Jim's hand offered to him. Breathing in slowly, he stared at Jim's hand before closing his eyes and sliding his own in it.

He needed the contact. Needed the support more than he wanted to admit it and felt damn guilty for feeding off of it from Jim. But at the same time, he tried not to think about if anyone was outside that door that might see him clinging to Jim's hand like a child or worse, a lovesick teenager. Cause god knew he'd be starin' at the man like he was everything in the universe to him. Like he already was now.

Leonard hadn't even realized how intently he was starin' at Jim until he had to take a breath from holding it too long. Ducking his head, he finally nodded and squeezed his hand softly. "Yeah. Let's go." After a moment's thought, he pulled Jim gently toward the door so he didn't have to do everything and finally took a deep breath before opening it and pulling them both through. He needed to prove it to himself that he could, and he didn't want Jim thinking he was pushing him.

But he did tighten his grip on his hand because he needed him. Needed him to be there so he didn't suddenly step back and disappear into the darkness of his office.

Luckily for Bones, Jim wasn't planning on going anywhere anytime soon. His smile was surer when Bones took his hand, perfectly comfortable and not the least bit worried about being seen walking down the hallways hand in hand. People could think whatever they liked, for all he cared. He wasn't going to let go of Bones's hand for anything at this point.

The corridor was empty as they stepped outside, though, and Jim took the opportunity to step close and plant a quick peck to Bones's cheek, pulling away again. He debated for a moment, then finally made up his mind and shifted his hand so he could thread their fingers together, watching Bones for any signs that he wasn't comfortable with that.

"Your room or mine?"

The moment he felt Jim's lips on his cheek, he breathed in sharply in surprise. A flush of heat ran into his cheeks that left a wash of color over them that slid into his ears to color the tips just so. Closing his eyes, he took a slow breath before looking at Jim and offering him a small smile of gratitude and love that flickered warmly in his gaze.

Leaning in, he nearly mirrored the kiss, but this one was placed to Jim's temple and he lingered close just leaning his forehead against the side of the blonde's head. He huffed a small laugh as he felt Jim's hand shift and a thrill ran up his spine as he felt their fingers lace together. Catching Jim's gaze, he gave him that faint warm smile before lifting a shoulder at the question.

"Whichever is closer, I guess. Doesn't matter. Home's where you are, anyway."

Jim's smile was surer when Bones pulled away from his own kiss, his fingers curling a little tighter. It wasn't a long way from the office to his quarters, and they were in the middle of the night cycle, so there was always a chance they wouldn't cross paths with anyone, but he honestly didn't care even if they did. Not like he wanted to keep this a secret, not unless Bones wanted to.

So, tugging softly, he started down the corridor, leading the way to the nearest turbolift so they could take the quickest route to the deck his quarters were in. Bones still looked like crap but at least he wasn't about to fall apart anymore. The rest... well, nothing a hot shower and cuddling together couldn't fix. Or at least help with.

When they stepped onto the turbolift, he moved on a whim as he leaned into Jim. He felt utterly exhausted. Like someone put a pin hole in a balloon and slowly let it deflate till there was nothing left. Closing his eyes, he let his head sway and lightly rest against Jim's. If he were honest with himself, he wanted more than just that slight contact. He just want the curl up into the blonde and disappear for a while. Just till he felt energetic enough to sort through his emotions and get things back in order. Maintainable order.

His eyes only opened when he felt the lift stop. A quick glance at the floor and area let him know that they were moving toward Jim's quarters. Not like he'd never made himself at home there before. And vice versa. That wasn't anything new. But there was a warm feeling in his chest knowing it wasn't like before as well. This was new and comfortable like he didn't think he'd ever have.

Moving off the lift, he pulled Jim's hand up still entwined with his own and kissed the back of it softly. "Thanks, Jim." How that man just knew what he needed and the silences in between. It meant the world to him right then.

Jim let his own head tip a little towards Bones's, closing his eyes and smiling while his thumb brushed across soft skin in soothing circles. He was just happy he could be this close right now. Happy he didn't have to think twice before reaching for Bones's hand, that he knew he could hug or kiss him and that it wouldn't be met with confusion or even rejection. It was more freeing than he could put to words.

His smile softened at the kiss, his hand moving so his knuckles brushed across Bones's lips. "Anytime, Bones." Letting their linked hands drop back down, he tugged Bones along and guided him down the corridor, leading the way to his quarters.

His lips nearly tingled from that soft almost touch. He didn't expect such a tiny touch to feel so amazing or have such an impact. Breathing in slowly, he let his eyes move to watch Jim walk slightly ahead of him. Leonard always liked watching Jim. Walking just slightly behind him and trying to carefully keep his eyes on his shoulders or the back of his head. Sometimes he didn't succeed and they drifted lower. He could remember a few of those times and almost getting caught too easily by Spock or someone else that might look at him at some point.

Now he felt like he could look. But at the same time, he found his gaze lingering on the dark gold hair and the collar of Jim's uniform. Little details he knew he looked at before, but his mind was a bit awed now. He could reach out and touch him. Be content to be close and actually have him. It brought a whole new feeling to his chest that was tight and fluttering all at once. And the moment they entered Jim's quarters, he let go of his hand and slid both hands up to grip Jim's shoulders, one arm circling around him as Leonard lowered his head down against the curve of his neck.

Then they both had the same issue, because Jim had often struggled with his tendency to let his eyes drift to his best friend in a distinctly not-best-friendly way. Luckily, Bones's hands were as distracting as his lips or his ass, so half the times Jim didn't exactly have to worry about people noticing how he was watching Bones work so intently. Whether or not he was thinking about how it would feel to have those hands on him was something safely kept in his head, so everyone else was none the wiser.

Jim let out a faint sound of surprise when Bones stepped closer, smiling and chuckling right after, then wiggling and turning around so he could wrap his own arms around Bones's shoulders too. The doctor's head fit perfectly against the curve of his neck, and he kissed his temple, lips lingering there as the fingers of one hand sifted through his hair, starting at the nape.

"I love you, Bones," he said. He'd said it before, true, but it bore repeating. And it looked like Bones might need hearing it again, so. "I'm sorry I've made such a mess of you."

He ended up stifling a chuckle when Jim started to wiggle about. The other man seemed to vibrate with kinetic energy on a normal day and having him squirm to get his arms around himself? Well, it was cute. There was no other word for it in his head. And honestly, it helped distract him for the reason why he just wanted to hold on to Jim. Multiple though they were.

Lowering one hand to rest on Jim's chest, he let the feeling of his heartbeat soothe out some of the tension in his shoulders. And what it didn't fix, Jim managed to melt away the rest with those words and the feeling of his lips against his temple. If anything, he just felt tired all the way down to the bones.

"I love you, too." He spoke the words softly, but not without all the feeling that lay behind it. And maybe he did huff a sound that may have been the beginnings of a laugh at the apology. "I'm not sorry for any moment I've had with you. Though some of that I am finding I might need to lump into a severe case of masochism cause you like to make me crazy on a good day."

Jim let out a chuckle of his own at Bones's words, serious or not. Well, he wasn't wrong. Truth was Bones could complain his way through it all but he still went along with any crazy idea Jim had, pushing through his fear and apprehension every single time. And Jim, for one, was incredibly grateful for that, for knowing that Bones would be by his side no matter what.

Something that he was sure of before, and was even surer now. He smiled warmly at the hand resting on his chest, one of his own moving to settle over it, thumb brushing across Bones's knuckles.

"You should go shower. I'll set up the bed all nice and warm for us. How do you feel about a cup of hot chocolate?"

Leonard's head tipped to watch Jim softly smooth his thumb over his knuckles. Leaning his forehead to the side of Jim's head, he let himself watch that connection of their hands silently for a moment. It sent a thrill down his spine, a soft hum of excitement that made him shiver happily. A sense of calm settled into him, bone deep and warmed the very core of his heart.

Lifting his head at the words, he pressed a soft kiss just next to Jim's ear and just lingered that close for a long moment. "You realize I don't have any clothes here." Things just hadn't settled in just right and transferring clothes like they used to just... hadn't happened yet and the doctor actually wondered if he should just move in again on Jim like that. Now he kind of regretted doing that.

"Unless that was your plan to get me out of my clothes." He had to tease him. A smile pulling at his lips. "Sure. Hot chocolate sounds fine." He started to pull back from Jim finally, his hand sweeping through his hair slowly. "So it's on you to figure out what I'm goin' to be wearin' when I get out."

The breaking point... (for winscenario)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject